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SMART Goal System

S= Specific. A specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal. To set a specific goal you must answer the six “W” questions:
•    Who:      Who is involved?
•    What:     What do I want to accomplish?
•    Where:    Identify a location.
•    When:     Establish a time frame.
•    Which:    Identify requirements and constraints.
•    Why:      Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.
EXAMPLE:    A general goal would be, “Get in shape.” But a specific goal would say, “Join a health club and workout 15x per month.”

M = Measurable. Establish concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach your goal.
To determine if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as……How much? How many? How will I know when it is accomplished?
A = Attainable.  When you identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. You begin seeing previously overlooked opportunities to bring yourself closer to the achievement of your goals.

R = Realistic and Risky. To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every goal represents substantial progress. A high goal is frequently easier to reach than a low one because a low goal exerts low motivational force. Some of the hardest jobs you ever accomplished actually seem easy simply because they were a labor of love. A risky goal would be something you have not done before that will be a risk for you. If you are setting goals with a buddy, don’t judge. For example if your buddy say they want to clean out their closet and this doesn’t seem big to you, ask questions to determine why it may be a risk for them. Maybe they lost a child or spouse and that person’s clothes are still hanging in the closet. That could be a risk for them.

T=Timely & Tangible. A timely goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame tied to it there’s no sense of urgency. If you want to lose 10 lbs, when do you want to lose it by? “Someday” won’t work. But if you anchor it within a timeframe, “by May 1st”, then you’ve set your unconscious mind into motion to begin working on the goal. ask yourself by when?
T can also stand for Tangible – A goal is tangible when you can experience it with one of the senses, that is, taste, touch, smell, sight or hearing. When your goal is tangible you have a better chance of making it specific and measurable and thus attainable.

Your goal is probably realistic if you truly believe that it can be accomplished. Additional ways to know if your goal is realistic is to determine if you have accomplished anything similar in the past or ask yourself what conditions would have to exist to accomplish this goal.

You can attain most any goal you set when you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps. Goals that may have seemed far away and out of reach eventually move closer and become attainable, not because your goals shrink, but because you grow and expand to match them. When you list your goals you build your self-image. You see yourself as worthy of these goals, and develop the traits and personality that allow you to possess them.

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Puppies for sale

I think as humans we have so much to learn from animals. My dog, Sophie, had five pups on December 18, 2009. They are cute of course. They are puppies after all.

If only I would trust myself that I have the answers like Sophie does. I was so concerned when she was about to deliver that she wouldn’t know what to do. From a human perspective, it seems disgusting…eating the placenta, chewing through the umbilical cord. I wanted to save her from having to do this stuff. She would have none of it! She knew exactly what to do and she did it with style. She kept her pups very, very clean. She cared for them and the first week, she didn’t leave their side.

The second week she would feed them and then leave them for short periods. She still stayed close to them. If anyone went back to look at them she kept a watchful eye. After all their eyes weren’t even open yet!

The third week she fed them and then would stay away from them the majority of the time. The kids made comments about what a bad mother she was. Hmmm. I found this interesting. I reminded them that as a mother it is our job to allow you do learn to do things for yourselves. It often meant watching you make mistakes so that you can learn the ways of the world. Not bailing you out of situations that you can figure out yourself.

As the pups got bigger I brought them into my office and used a baby pool for them to play and run in during the day. I saw how they depended on each other and how Sophie encouraged that. They were really whining one day and she went and got my daughters stuffed animal and put it in with them and then left them again. I could see that she would stay close and watch them until they would comfort themselves and go to sleep. She didn’t rock them and sing and create a dependency for sleep…she allowed them to learn to comfort themselves.

This was amazing to me. As a mother to five children, I have made all the mistakes. Some bigger than others. I love all of my children. I simply can see what worked and what didn’t work. I can see a huge difference between the way I parented the older children compared to the way I parented the younger children.

I think Sophie is an excellent mother. She is the perfect blend between loving and harsh. My husband calls it pure instinct. I suppose he is right about a dog. The thing I want to know…why as humans do we question our own answers? I wonder.

So, I leave you with this…I have these puppies for sale…how many do you want?

Text 90990 to give $10 to Haiti

Is texting 90990 a SCAM?
By Michelle Shelton

In the aftermath of the horrible earthquake that hit Haiti on Tuesday evening, supports have jumped into action. Everyone wants to help when there is a tragedy. This is noble of course. Just make sure that you check out the sources that as for money. The Internet and texting has made it so much easier and faster to rally support after such an event.

I received a text on my facebook wall saying to text ‘Haiti’ to 90990 and at first I was ready to copy and paste it and then I stopped. I thought, what a perfect time for someone to take advantage. How do I know where the money is going? The message said it would automatically be added to my phone bill. Wow. Someone is going to receive a lot of money…if it really is going to help…GREAT. I just wanted to be sure.

Technology has made things so easy. I love it. The thing is…I always want to check things out.

So far, I only know of two legitimate texting donations for Haiti and their relief efforts:

The U.S. State Department set up the first one. Text ‘HAITI’ to 90999. Texting “HAITI” to the number will donate $10 to the American Red Cross, and will appear as a charge on your wireless bill.

Apparently, when you text ‘Yele to 501501 this will donate $5 to a non-profit organization founded by a Haiti native. You can also donate on the website – when you text, the $5 is also charged to your cell phone bill.

A word of caution. Watch out for scams during this time. As sad as it is, it does occur around disasters and schemers are quick to take advantage of Americans’ generosity.

Lee Huddleston - Spavinaw, OK

In 1943 my mother, Margaret Louise McNown, worked in Wichita, Kansas for Aero Parts Manufacturing. She lived with her sister, Alta McNown who also worked at Aero Parts. She was 16 years old when she went to work for them. She knew she had to find a way to support herself and dropped out of high school and went to work. They lived in an apartment house on East Lewis Street in Wichita.

In the same apartment building there was a young man named, Lee Huddleston. Lee played the guitar. He was from Spavinaw, OK. He had a cousin names Lester and an Uncle named Jim Goodnight. Around that time, Lee’s sister wanted him to come live with her in Stockton, CA and get a job in the local canning factory.

My mother went with him to the bus stop and there she fell asleep waiting for his bus. When she woke up, he was gone. He had left her a note. She said he sang her a love song at one point.

These stories are new to me because shortly after Lee Huddleston went to Stockton, CA, my father came into the picture. Mom and dad were married for 63 years and dad died in 2007. My mother has recently had very fond memories of Lee Huddleston and we have been looking for him for her. A long lost love of sorts. I am hoping that posting this article might help find him. If I get enough people involved in the search, who knows?

She called me today while I was loading this photo. She is like a schoolgirl every time his name is mentioned. It is difficult for me to imagine my 83 year old mother as a young, energetic teenage girl with a crush on someone. Well, at least it was until now. She came to stay with me in Arizona for the month of December. It seems Mr. Lee Huddleston is on her mind a lot. She fears he could have past. I have called several Lee Huddleston’s in the OK area. I don’t think he has. She said she would like to know either way. She has hope.

So, if you are so inclined. Do a search. Ask someone. Let’s help an old gal and a gent find each other at the end of their lives. After all, someday, it could be us!

1st Sledding Experience in Flagstaff

My husband, Paul and I, took our two girls to Flagstaff sledding after the first of the year. They didn’t have to be back to school until the 6th so it worked out nicely that we could go on Monday, spend the night and head back Tuesday evening. We had a great time. We had been there the week before and it was snowing so we thought it perfect, except we didn’t know where we were going and it got late on us so we were sledding in the dark, in a parking lot on a very small hill. I have included a photo. They were happy and so were we, it ended up being a lot of fun…no sane people were out. It was slick and snowing pretty heavy. We decided that spontaneous trip did not work so we would come back next week and go sledding “for real”.

On Tuesday, we got to the sledding mountain and it was about 40 degrees out so the parking lot was starting to get slushy. This also meant that the snow on the mountain was rather icy and from a mom and dad perspective, a bit dangerous. Both Paul and I are firm believers in what you think is what you create so saying things like, “be careful” or “don’t break your neck out there” are strictly forbidden. As a matter of fact when our old language starts to creep in and one of these phrases slips out of our mouth, the kids are quick to ask us what we are creating for them. Sheese. It is painful teaching your children personal growth!

After about an hour of high speed, icy, dangerous sledding, I was ready for a rest. My life had flashed before my eyes more times than I could humanly handle so I headed to the car for some…..water. Yeah, that’s it. I was thirsty! Sometimes avoidance just works. As I sat in the car and drank water, I watched the other sledders. There were all sizes, shapes, ages and skill sets. Some people were very, very careless and some were very, very careful. There were fat, skinny, tall, short and athletic. Some were fast and some were slow.

I noticed when I was sledding how I would look at the path before me and think the sled was going to go one way and then I was horrified when I was pulled onto a path with jumps and rocky spots. I was annoyed at my lack of control over the sled.  I would point it in one direction and as I was speeding down the mountain it would careen over into some obtuse direction and take on a life of it’s own. Soon my husband joined me as he was thirsty, (so he says), and he said, “I don’t like this. I think I am going one way and then the next thing I know I am headed right for a tree because the rutts in the snow are pulling me where other people have made grooves in the snow.”

All of a sudden it dawned on me the irony of sledding and human behavior. I said, “Do you feel like your sled is begin pulled into other peoples’ crap?”

“YES!” He said. “That is exactly how it felt!”

Sledding on the ice in Flagstaff

I realized that I do this in my life. Me and many other human beings. We make choices and then whine about how we are pulled into other people’s crap and drama. The truth is, we chose to follow their path. No one forces us in life to follow them and no one forced us on the mountain. I pondered this a bit more and decided that I did have a choice. I could chose not to sled. I could chose where to sled. I could even chose who I sledded after if I really wanted to. Everything there I had chosen. Just like in life.

Monday and Tuesday were good days. I learned another aspect of my behavior. It may not be pretty sometimes, the thing is, if I refuse to see it, I am destined to keep it. There is freedom in awareness. When I realize I have choice it frees me up to create what I want instead of taking the leftovers of others. If it works for me, maybe it could work for you too! Either way, it is your choice.

Happy New Year!

Coach Michelle Shelton

What is your Winning Formula?

People have winning formulas to get what they want from those around them. I find it interesting when I “see” these formula’s play out. The most interesting thing is that most of the time, the people themselves are not aware they have a winning formula. Now that I think about it, the people they use the formula on are typically not aware of it either. The receiver typically has many other relationships in their lives that use similar versions of the same formula. The Universe seems to line it all up for them. It is peculiar for sure.

Do you even know what I am talking about? I hate to lose people before I even get started so allow me to give you some examples to ponder to see if you can figure out your winning formulas. Oh and I should let you know, most people have several. That way if one doesn’t work, we have a backup. After all, we do like to get our way and get what we want.

I had a situation recently with a member of my husband’s family. Since I have been married for over 20 years and I plan to stay married, I should stress that I will not be using names. It doesn’t have anything to do with protecting the innocent. It has to do with protecting myself. Did I mention that many winning formula’s come from protection of self? If I did deep, this is probably one of my winning formulas. *Sigh* I have found that these formulas are sort of like unwinding a finely knit spider web. A seemingly never-ending and delicate job.

Back to the situation. It had to do with Christmas. Oh and by the way…holiday’s are riddled with winning formula’s. It seems everyone wants things to look a certain way around the holiday’s and if their level of communication is less evolved, the winning formula’s tend to come out!

This particular individual wanted us to come to a certain gathering on Christmas. He gave us the place….vaguely. No time was mentioned. Christmas Day was what was communicated. Since my husband had worked five 12 hour shifts, including Christmas Eve, all in the week before Christmas, it was fair to say he was tired. Not just tired. Dog tired. Not to mention we had friends over on Christmas Eve and he didn’t go to bed until after 1:00 in the morning and once again got up to work on Christmas Day at 7:00 AM. Of course he had a choice to not work that much. This isn’t me putting him in a place of victim, it is a place he chose and he was good with his choice. He knew he would be tired. He was tired. He got off work at 2:00 and we had dinner at our home with our soon to be adult and adult children and my elderly mother. After dinner we cleaned up and then opened our gifts. Since my husband was falling asleep during the opening of gifts, I suggested he go lay down for an hour and a half or so. By this time it was after 4:30 in the afternoon. He was concerned about his family being upset, (evidently he has been on the receiving end of the winning formula for years), still, his body was screaming for a nap so he went and laid down and got some much needed rest. When he woke up around 5:30 we got up and went to the family members home.

We were met pleasantly enough by everyone except the one family member that had invited us. He was icy cold and withdrawn. Pouting, would be the word I would use, (sorry to say, just another winning formula). When he invited us, he had said the goal was to unite the entire family. Apparently not. I decided not to take on his stuff and we enjoyed our time there and went home around 10:30 that night.

A few days later came the winning formula call. It went like this: “I am really disappointed in you and Paul. I respect you and you don’t respect me by showing up late on Christmas. As much personal growth work as you have done, it seems you could at least show up at a decent time and be with your family  for Christmas.”

The winning formula was now to make me feel bad because I didn’t do what he wanted. The magic of this is, people only have the power over my feelings that I give them. No one can make me feel bad without my permission. I am not bad. I didn’t do anything bad. I am 46 years old and I can make my own decisions as to how I spend my time. If I had made a time agreement and not honored it, that would be one thing. The only agreement was to come over sometime on Christmas. We knew they would be playing cards until late that evening.

I quickly realized that this person had gone through his entire life shaming others to get what he wanted. If he was able to make them feel bad, they would do what he wanted and he would get his way next time. The thing is…I didn’t feel bad. I wasn’t takeing the bait. I actually took it to the next level and told him that this tactic was not going to work on me any more and he would have to do something different to mix it up. Needless to say..he did, the next tactic was thrown out. The temper tantrum.

The thing about the Temper Tantrum is the people that it works on…well, they stick around and do what the tantrum thrower wants. The rest of the people go away. This tends to leave the Temper Tantrum thrower with a unique problem, the only people that want to be around him is needy people that are too afraid to stand up for themselves. They tend to tell the tantrum throwing exactly what he / she wants to hear just to stay out of trouble. The problem with this is it not only supports unhealthy relationships, it creates unhealthy relationships. Sometimes people call it a Co-Dependent relationship. The tantrum thrower tends to attract people that have poor self esteem and low levels of confidence. They sort of think this is how they deserve to be treated. The best thing a person can do is love the tantrum thrower and not take part in the tantrum. Very easy to say, sometimes a challenge to do. A word of caution…when the tantrum works, the thrower will continue to throw tantrums. It also sets a stage for how you expect to be treated. It tells the person it is okay for them to behave that way towards you.

In my opinion, it all connects back to parenting. This is how adults got our winning formula’s in the first place. When we are young, we see what works to get our way. Once we find a few things we stick with them. Some people check out. Sometimes people will pick fights with their aggressors so their aggressors will leave them alone. What they really want is to check out and not talk to anyone. They find a way to get what they want.

The clincher to the winning formula is you get to win….well sort of.  You and you alone win. Everyone else tends to lose. It is not great for relationships, that is for sure. A true Win / Win formula comes from choice. It isn’t about ego and getting our own way. A Win / Win mentality comes from seeing both sides to the situation and creating from a place of love. It starts with a heart at peace. It is a mind-set that everyone CAN win and that is the only goal no matter how it looks. It comes from being in relationship with others and communicating what it is we want and finding out what they want and creating from THAT place. It takes a very high level of communication and patience and understanding. We have to be able to set our old formula’s aside and develop new formulas. (Formula’s never die or go away…that’s another article!)

So, the skinny? The skinny on this is it always goes back to changing one’s self first. Starting with a heart at peace.  We cannot change others. The only thing we can do is become aware and unravel our own spider web to see what makes us tick. Each time you untangle a piece you become healthier. It is a lifetime process. Once you do that, you know what you are dealing with and you can make different choices and start creating your life…by design, not from circumstances and old patterns.

My question to you is are you doing that? If not, why not? If not now, when?

Coach Michelle

I would think for some it could be a challenge to know exactly what judgment of others would look like. What is the difference between saying what you see or saying what “is” and a judgment? I was taught that judgment is saying what is and then saying the person is bad or wrong for the behavior. In other words, if I saw a man smoking and I said, that man is smoking, that is discernment. It is stating what is. If I said, that man is bad because he is smoking, then it is a judgment.

This afternoon I took my children to ‘Horton Hears a Who’. This is a wonderful, timeless story about perspective, listening, judgment and communication.

There were so many hidden messages in this movie. There was the son that was being forced to do something he didn’t want to do. Be the Mayor. There was the Kangaroo who couldn’t hear the very small Who’s and was very judgmental of Horton’s perceived bizarre behavior. She said a couple of times, “If you can’t see it, hear it or feel it, then it isn’t real.” Wow. Does that sound like anyone you know? It was interesting that when Horton wanted her to listen, she didn’t even make an attempt to listen or hear the Who’s. She had closed her mind completely.

Everyone has a unique perspective of the world that could be shared and enjoyed and embraced. We all have experiences, education, excitement, and effort that takes us to the very place we are in our life. I call this “E” to “P”. The “E” words will take each of us to a certain level of success on their own. This is also known as our natural ability. It is when we move into the “P” or on purpose mode that things really get exciting. If we are never open to new ideas and we don’t listen, we can stop growing and become stagnant in our life.

The judgment that the kangaroo made in the movie almost cost an entire civilization their life. It was all about being right. Ego often drives behavior to an insane destination. The kangaroo wanted Horton to say she, (Mrs. Roo), was right and he was wrong. This need to be right often kills more than small, imaginary civilizations, it kills relationships.

After all, what did Mrs. Roo care if Horton carried a speck around? Why did it matter to her? From her perspective she was making a judgment that it couldn’t be real and therefore she wanted everyone to see how smart she was, she was so busy proving herself that she didn’t care about anyone else. It seems she also had a huge need to look good in the eyes of others. This is often the case in a judgmental attitude. It breeds righteousness, poor listening, and broken relationships. The person has the world all figured out from their small perspective. A need to be right and a need for others to be wrong.

As I grow older, I realize that I don’t know a whole heck of a lot about much of anything. There is so much to know and even the things I do know are only from my perspective. Each experience is highly valued. Mine and yours. The fun part is the journey we get to have together. You say, “Hey, look at this and I get to share a new experience and then I say, “Hey friend, did you see this over here?”

I could travel to another country several times a year and no two experiences would be the same…each trip would give me a new perspective. I would meet new and interesting people and create new and interesting perceptions along the way. That is what perspective is all about.

Judgment is harsh. It causes pain and in the end, it is only about being right and looking good and often it is at the expense of others, in order for you to be right, they must be wrong. It causes people to say mean things and even kill each other over “truth”. The real truths in the world don’t change and they don’t need people to embrace them…they just are. You and I, well, we can embrace them or not…the thing is, when you judge, you attract judgment. I’m just stating what IS.