Communications Coaching

My Relationship Garden. There’s a book!
by Michelle Shelton

I am a writer. It is one of the many things that I do. I enjoy it and people tell me they enjoy reading what I write. So, in my opinion that constitutes me as a writer!

I am always sharing my profound ideas with my husband. He used to tip his head to one side and look at me and say nothing. For years I have talked about writing books and filling them with my profound ideas. When I would share one of these ideas, he would point at me and say, “That’s a book!” or “There’s a book!”

I have to say, my brain would grab this and start to contemplate writing a book on the subject. I have books that are written and remain unpublished. I enjoy the process. I am starting to realize that much of the time, I write for me. It is like my meditation.

I am also a gardener. I enjoy gardening and I have learned many lessons from gardening. This year I wasn’t going to garden because I felt I already had too many things going on to give it my attention. I really didn’t want to put the effort into it. I didn’t want to take care of things. I find I do this in my life at times too. Still, I pushed forward and did it anyway. I sort of felt like I didn’t have a choice to neglect something I had already started. After all there were last years plants popping up everywhere. Things were progressing whether I wanted them to or not. Just like my life.

I took on the task of getting my garden in order. Just like taking on something new in the beginning there were decisions to be made. What plants did I want to keep…did I want to move things around based on what worked last year? Did I want to get new plants and add them to what I already had? Did I need to fertilize and feed my existing plants?

As I was pulling the weeds, I would find that I accidentally was pulling up daises too. The daises had taken over my garden since last year. They were thick. I started to equate the daisies with my friends and acquaintances. There were daises popping up everywhere. I found that when I would accidentally pull up a flower with a weed, I didn’t like it. I thought this was similar to my life. Sometimes through miscommunication, I will say something that someone doesn’t like and they pull away or drop out of my life completely. While I was weeding I decided to look at things differently. Maybe it was okay to have perfectly healthy plants not be in my garden. Maybe they were choking out other plants or they had attached themselves too closely to a weed. Wow. Just like some people I know. Healthy themselves, yet maybe attached to someone who is not so healthy. Maybe there just wasn’t room for them right now?

Next was a 20 year old plant that I had re-potted. I got this plant when my oldest son was born. This plant has come close to death many times. Just like him. It has been a challenge to support it in thriving. As I looked at the plant, I thought….I don’t even know what to do with that plant anymore. Just the same way I feel about him. Perhaps, I don’t need to do anything. Perhaps the plant will either thrive or die and it is out of my hands? Just like my son. This one was hard. I realized how much I had enabled him and in doing that I had weakened my son. Perhaps I did this with the plant too? It was a special plant. I loved it. I wanted to keep it alive yet, I found the more I watered it and fed it and re-potted it, the worse it did. I was killing it with attention. Just like I do with him.

I have tons of Ivy. It takes care of itself. I love that. I have people in my life like that too. They are strong and proud and they don’t really care what I do…they move forward in their own lives. They become stronger and they grow everywhere. They reach out and keep stretching forward just like the Ivy.

I also have several very special plants. One I brought from our move from Colorado. It is a spider plant. It does well. Sometimes I bring it in and sometimes I leave it out. It seems to be okay no matter what. One is from my mothers funeral that a special friend sent. It is beautiful and strong and sturdy. It doesn’t look anything like the other plants I have. Just like the special people in my life. They are unique and stand alone. Also, not needy or dependent on me to do much of anything for them. Just being with them.

I have some flowers that spring up and bloom and they stay around for awhile and then they are gone. Almost by the time I notice they are gone…they will reappear. Just like certain friends of mine. I don’t hear from them forever and then there they are back in my life again.

There are hearts and flowers scattered about. I pluck some of the plant off and move it around and it always does well. I have people in my life like that too. They are consistent. Sometimes I tick them off and they move around…they will always be there though and they continue to grow in our relationship.

Over all, I have deemed this my Relationship Garden. Each plant has specific needs. Some have more needs and some less and some are there to simply present lessons I learn as I go through the process. People come and people go. I have a lot of support in my life that I may not even be aware of and that is like the daises popping up every where and the strong Ivy that keeps moving.

The weeds. The weeds come in when I am not paying attention. They are often quite strong. Sometimes they are pretty and don’t really look like a weed, yet, they are a weed. At times I keep them pulled and at times I neglect pulling them. Just like my life. When I keep the weeds out, my garden does better. It takes effort though. Just like my life.

There is more. I have rocks and paths and sometimes a cat will come in and pull up a plant and it becomes needy for a time so I care for it. Sometimes the rocks protect the plants. Sometime in life I am the caregiver and sometimes I am the rock. No matter what my role, I LOVE my garden. I love everything in it. Everything works together and teaches me lessons and brings me peace. Just like my life!

So, if you don’t have a garden, I recommend it. You might see just how much it will parallel your thinking and your life.