Honesty in Personal Growth
Honesty in Personal Growth
by Michelle Shelton
Have you ever seen someone behave a certain way over and over? Perhaps it is even you and you simply don’t want to admit it.
Parents often scold their children for doing the very thing they, themselves do all the time. The child doesn’t do their homework and then they tell the teacher the dog ate it. When you ask them why they lied, they look at you with all their innocence and say, “well, you lie, you told me the other day to tell the neighbor you weren’t home when he came over.” You are angry about your child not respecting you as the adult. Perhaps you scold them or punish them for pointing out your lie. After all, you are the adult and they are the child.
Unfortunately, this behavior, from you, the adult, sets the pattern for future dishonesty from your child. When they lie to you as a teenager, you simply don’t know where you went wrong. Sound familiar? Ever seen a friend or family member do this to their child?
Why is it that we can see things so clearly in others and we judge them harshly and when it comes to ourselves we make excuses, talk big, avoid, beat ourselves up, make up stories, deny or blame shift? It almost seems like we forgive ourselves quite easily, except it has been my experience that we don’t forgive. To forgive is to give as before. This isn’t 100% of course. I am not saying YOU are not the exception. I am saying that my dealings with hundreds of people over the years, it is consistent that they don’t forgive others or themselves. They tend to build anger, resentments and plot revenge. It may be clever revenge, still, it is revenge.
Are you ready to be honest? No crap. No kidding. Honesty. Normally when I ask people this they say of course. After all, they are an honest person. Then the first time I point out a behavior they display over and over, they are shocked. How dare I say that about them. It just isn’t true. Not only do they deny, sometimes they even act like they didn’t know. Hmmm.
People say they want honesty. I hear this more than anything when dealing with couples. The wife or girlfriend will say, “I just want him to be honest with me.” Sure you do. Except when you don’t. The funny thing is, you are not being honest when you say this. Amazing that you would be with someone that is less than honest. Couples behave a certain way because they train
each other to behave a certain way.
No one wants to be scolded or criticized. Especially the people in our life that we are suppose to love more than anyone else. The first time my husband said I was being too aggressive, I was shocked and amazed. First. How DARE he talk to me that
way. Second. I wasn’t being aggressive at ALL. He was WRONG.
Now we are getting somewhere. It all comes down to just a couple of things. The two needs all humans have are a need to be right and a need to to be seen as ___________. You fill in the blank. Polished, smart, funny, clever, in charge, in control, looking our best in word and in deed. It could be physical attributes such as a trim figure, plastic surgery, youth. I could also be attributes such as looking smart, funny, and being perceived as knowing all the answers. After all…we don ‘t want to look bad or wrong. So why do we want to make other people wrong? What? You mean I can’t make anyone wrong? Well, that is true and that is not true. Every single time I argue with someone, I am making them wrong.
In making my husband wrong, I don’t have to do anything to adjust and be right, I can simply make him wrong and by default, I get to be right. I don’t have to shift at all. Wow. Except this feels bad doesn’t it? It feels bad to him and it feels bad to me too.
Of course, until I was honest with myself I didn’t see this. As a matter of fact I practically shot the messenger, my husband, just because he was exactly what I said I wanted in a man…honest. Go figure. How can he be honest with me if I am not willing to be honest with myself? It doesn’t work.
We have to be honest with ourselves before we can be happy. Otherwise the ego will run the show and when the ego runs the show it certainly doesn’t want us to be happy. It wants us to be right! My question to you would be…why is it more important for me to be right than it is for me to be happy?
If you are going to be in the next Dream Relationship Workshop in Gilbert, Arizona on September 24, 25 & 26, 2010, you are going to be able to work directly with your partner about honesty. You will also be working directly with me. I will tell you how I see it. Make sure you want honesty if that is what you are asking for. I don’t want to scare you away. These workshops for couples are a lot of fun. It is also not called the work for nothing.”
See you there!
Michelle Shelton, Facilitator, The Dream Relationship Workshop
Enroll before September 10, 2010 for a 50% off discount
Powered by ScribeFire.
Michelle Shelton
Facilitator, Coach, Author, Speaker
Michelle is the co-creator of the Dream Relationship Workshop.
She and her husband, Paul, have five children and live in Gilbert, Arizona.
Visit her coaching site: www.boldtalent.com
and you canalso find her on facebook at: www.facebook.com/azmastermind
